Where do we go from here?
by LadyJessYU
Summary: He shouldn't have been surprised by the act itself, more by the fact that he didn't see it coming. But why does he then feel hurt, like he's lost something important? Murphy and Raven during and after 2x08
1. Chapter 1

"If we hit them now, at least we'd take them by surprise."

"We don't even know how many of them are out there."

Murphy snorts. Clarke's still playing it safe. Has she learned nothing? "I'm not hearing any better ideas, Clarke."

"We'll give them something."

"All they want is Finn." Bellamy rasps.

"Finn wasn't the only one at the village." Raven states; there is a meaning behind her words no one can fully comprehend.

"What are you talking about?" Clarke asks.

"Raven, hold on." Bellamy realizes what she means and a moment later so does Murphy.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Raven, I came here to protect him. You were the one who wanted me to come. You..." he looks over at Finn, wondering if he was a part of the plan. So that was what she really wanted. Smirking, challenging her he asked her why he would do anything to help. It wasn't because he didn't want to but because that was what he always did. He defied everything and everyone, guard up. Then she simply answered _Because I'm asking you to_. He stared into her eyes, actually looking closely for the first time. Big brown pools of pain. She wasn't asking him to repay the debt to her, to Finn, to anyone. She wasn't pleading even, she was simply asking. Like asking a friend. No promise, no demand. And the fool that he was he fell for it. Too bad the art of acting is obsolete here, she would be a pro. Mechanic/actress, "…that's why you asked me to come along."

"Enough Grounders saw him at the village. They'd believe he was the shooter." she is not backing down.

"Sick bitch."

"Raven, you don't mean this." Clarke attempts to reason with her.

"You know what they do to people."

No, she really doesn't. And neither does Bellamy. Murphy does.

"They want a murderer, we'll give them one. Drop your gun." her voice is a bit shaky. She didn't think this through.

If they do decide he would be a scapegoat (yet again) there is not much he can do about it. To them he is a psychopath and a murderer, he always will be. The noble spacewalker was not. He did all of that to find the girl he loves. That, apparently, makes everything worth wile. He did it for Clarke, yet Raven is the one pointing a gun at him. Ready to save the boy who needed couple of days to forget her and fall for someone else. And he thought she was the smart one. He also thought that they were… that they were not enemies. When she didn't reveal it was him who shot her, he got the impression she was different. The fact is she isn't, she is just like him. Well, if she wants to play that game he will not make it easy on her. Almost hanged by his own, tortured by the Grounders, nails pulled, nearly skinned alive... compared to that, a bullet is a child's play. He takes another step, daring her to pull the trigger, "Go to hell, Raven."

"Put it down, Raven. Like it or not, he's one of us."

"I said drop it." the barrel stabs into his chest.

"Stop! Stop! We're not doing this." Finn intervenes. Guess he wasn't in on it after all, "They've got us surrounded. The only thing we can do is stay. And defend this place."

"I'm with you." Bellamy agrees and the girls nod.

"Murphy..."

"Yeah."

While Finn is delivering his plan, which is obviously not very good but definitively better that Raven's, Murphy can't help but think. He shouldn't have been surprised by the act itself, more by the fact that he didn't see it coming. But why does he feel hurt, like he's lost something important?

As he walks away, he throws a glance at Raven. She is looking everywhere but directly at him.

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><p>He is standing at the fence with everybody. They all hold their breaths, there is almost no sound. Clarke turns and starts to walk back. Nearly at the same moment all, on both sides, realize what she's done. A wave of gasps and sighs of relief spread around the camp (no one else will die tonight). A high scream comes from somewhere. He cannot spot her but he knows it's Raven. He feels something deep, in the pit of his stomach. It is not something he felt before. It is foreign and he doesn't like it. At first he thinks it's because he feels bad for Finn. Well he does, but knowing firsthand what he would have endured, at least he knows he got a merciful death.<p>

He heads back to bed before the crowd disperses. First, there is shouting. Discernible voices of Raven, Bellamy and Abby. Others too but not Clarke. What could she say? Words are not what anybody needs right now. What's done is done. The rest of the night is not just silent, it is mute. Nobody dares to talk and he starts to miss the buzzing of the machines.

As days pass Raven is quiet, hardly acknowledging anyone. They stop trying to engage her in any conversation, figuring she needs space.

Then out of the blue, she sits across from him and he doesn't look up, just freezes. Why is she here? What is she going to do? She just sits there, playing with her food. It is as if it's normal for them to be in such close proximity. It takes him a minute or two to look up. Why the hell is he nervous? He can handle Raven and whatever state she's in. She's been throwing menacing glances at him for days. He pretended not to notice but he did. And what did she want from him? To roll over and die? Go back in time and get killed instead of Finn? Now, she has the nerve to sit there. If she thinks he will keep quiet just because she's suffering…

"He was my family." she says in almost a whisper. That catches him off guard. She keeps doing that, "And now… I don't know."

Was that an apology? A justification? Neither? Both? He doesn't get it. And what Raven doesn't get is how much of a family she still has. Clarke, Bellamy, Octavia, everyone. Hell, even that guy who works with her and thinks is funny. Murphy doesn't see what is so likeable about him. Anyway, there are people who care for her, love her. He can't remember what that's like. He's complaining, though. There are worst things in life, there must be. But he doesn't tell her that, any of it. The others have surely given her that speech. And she already knows his sob story. Instead he pushes a cup over to her. "Have a drink."

"I have my own."

"They didn't lock me up on the Ark for being a model citizen, you know?"

Murphy looks at her knowingly and a trace of a smile passes over her lips.

She takes his offering and brings the cup to her nose. She scrunches her face as she smells the liquor. He leans back and laughs. She looks cute. Not that it matters, he never liked cute girls.

"It's not as bad as it smells." he assures her.

She gulps it down and starts to cough. "God! It's worse." when she calms herself a bit she adds, "But it helped for a moment."

"That's the point."

"They are having a feast today." she comments.

"It's the sensible thing to do." he's not gonna sugarcoat it. If they are to get their people out of Mount Weather, they'll have to put some things aside.

"I know. It just sucks."

"I know."

Before they get to an actual conversation someone calls out to her. It's that Wick guy.

"I got to run. This was…"

"Swift as a shadow, short as any dream." he smirks.

As she walks away she gives him a warm smile. And he spends the rest of the day trying to suppress a smile of his own.

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><p><strong>Writing for this fandom first time so don't be too harsh on me. I thought writing Murphy wouldn't be this challenging. I hope he's not too OC. I waned to write the one focusing on Raven too but let's see how this goes first. Anyway, thanks for reading.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to your lovely words (special thanks to Mercenary63) I've decided to post another chapter. It is basically the same thing but from Raven's perspective. As for the future of the story... that depends partly on where this season takes things and partly on your response. Enjoy :D**

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><p>Raven has to do this, she has to save him. It's the only way. She convinces herself she's not doing anything really wrong. It's not like she is throwing an innocent into a bottomless pit. And Finn is good, he is kind-hearted, he is family. She owns him everything. Murphy is not.<p>

She approaches him, the whole conversation already mapped out in her head. As she drags her leg a bit more than necessary, she makes sure he sees it. She will use every weapon at her disposal. Because it's about Finn and Finn only. There is no room for questioning the morality of it all.

"You're coming with us." she tells him confidently.

Murphy looks up from his spot and smirks.

"We're getting Finn out. Bellamy and Clarke." she elaborates, "We need you to come along."

"And why would I do that?" he challenges, something she noticed he often does. Even when he doesn't have to. Life really fucked him up more than she thought.

Raven wants to tell him because he owes her, because if it wasn't for her and others he would be rotting in some improvised jail cell. Or because for once in his life he could do something half-decent. Then, the memory of him caring for her, wiping the blood from her lips, confiding in her sneaks up on her. She knows it was because they were so close to death but some sort of understanding developed between them. "Because I'm asking you to." the words escape her along with the sense of strangely felt connection she suddenly realizes has never left her.

He is silent still, looking at her with those piercing blue eyes. For a moment, the fear that he will brush her off overwhelms her but then he nods and says. "Then I'm in." he almost smiles and she starts to feel like shit. He trusts her, the guy who trusts nobody trusts her. And for a moment she falters.

* * *

><p>She is pointing the gun at him and everyone protests. She knows why they don't want her, don't want them to hand Murphy over to the Grounders. She also knows they don't understand that she has to do this, do something. Finn is where he is because of her. Had he not given her the gift of experiencing space, he wouldn't have been sent to Earth in the first place. She, the real Spacewalker, initiated his downfall. Raven knows she shouldn't feel such huge responsibility for his actions but she can't help it. And yes, she is aware her reasons are partly selfish, she doesn't want his blood on her hands. But she doesn't want Murphy's either.<p>

She can barely keep her hands from shaking; she grips the metal handle tighter as he takes a step towards her, challenging her yet again.

"Go to hell, Raven." his voice is filled with venom, his eyes with something which to Raven looks like hurt.

Bastard. She cannot show weakness. Only the strong survive on Earth.

Then Finn interjects, lowering her gun. Does he not understand he has to survive? For everybody. As he lays down the plan, she cannot make herself look back at Murphy. She can feel his eyes on her, he itches to throw another sharp word at her and she can't blame him. Of course he feels anger for what she was willing to do.

* * *

><p>She hates Finn at that moment, she hates him for trying to make things better, for taking the easy way out, for being too weak to live with himself, for leaving her… she doesn't know why else. All she knows is that he is wrong.<p>

Raven slides the blade into Clarke's sleeve because Clarke will know what to do. She will save the boy they both love or loved… It's all so messed up she doesn't know if it is one or the other. It is probably both.

She screams and screams, that is all she is reduced to. Everything that comes out of her mouth that night is screams. Clarke, on the other hand is silent, motionless, blood still on her hands. Raven wants her to say something, justify herself. But she doesn't. Others try to do that for her. The faces are all a blur, but she's sure Bellamy is there. So is Abby. They try to subdue her as she wants to hurt Clarke, pin it all on her. She blames her for letting Finn love her, for everything even though it is not her fault. She blamed Finn for being weak and she now blames Clarke for being the exact opposite.

* * *

><p>Raven hardly speaks anymore. When she does utter a word or two, her voice is strained. Like a cry is fighting to escape. One word too many and she might fall apart again. They realize soon enough that she needs space or maybe they just give up. Establishing peace with the Grounders is the main priority now.<p>

She roams the camp most of the time. Wick tries to get her to work on some thing or other. Tinkering doesn't help, not this time. But she does it anyway, beats listening about the preparations for the feast.

Murphy's reaction must be the only one she can't read. He didn't try to communicate with her in any way. He doesn't speak to he,r yet doesn't really ignore her. He is always somewhere near but makes no contact. And he must have noticed her looks meant to provoke him. She needs him to react in some cruel way so she can lash out on him... It's funny how much time she spends thinking about him.

The day of the long-awaited feast comes. Everybody is chattering about it, mostly mesmerized by the Grounders' appearance. It is easier for them because they never had to battle face to face with them. She can't stomach the idea of a happy partnership; it most likely won't last.

Murphy is the only one sitting alone. He looks almost as happy about the today's event as she is.

It feels like a lifetime ago but when he returned to the camp all beaten and bloody was the first time she heard of his story. Not heard really, more like deduced from the whispers. They all claimed he was a psychopath who shouldn't be trusted. She saw something else there though. Despite everything, he seemed not to have lost all humanity. Despite everything, she feels the need to approach him. Before Raven can think it through, she is pulling a chair, placing the tray at his table. He doesn't lift his head but he does notice her. She is trying to say something, utter a word, any word but fails.

After what seems like eternity she breathes out. "He was my family." it comes out and she doesn't know if he will misinterpret it. It's not really an apology; it's a lame attempt of explaining her state, "And now… I don't know."

"Have a drink." he says and she is confused. That is not how she expected him to react.

"I have my own."

"They didn't lock me up on the Ark for being a model citizen, you know?"

She almost questions him but then she notices his mischievous half-grin which makes her lips twitch upward just a bit.

As she smells the drink, sharp scent of alcohol fills her nostrils and she makes a face. He lets out an amused laugh and she wants to scoff at him. However, one look at him changes her mind. The reason is a mystery.

"It's not as bad as it smells."

Taking his word for it, she holds her breath and gulps the drink down. The hot burning is all she can feel at that moment. Her throat is sore, from alcohol this time and she almost cannot subdue the coughing. "God! It's worse." she clears her throat, "But it helped for a moment."

"That's the point."

"They are having a feast." she blurts out. Why is she starting this topic with him? Even if he decides to join in, he will not tell her anything she doesn't already know herself.

"It's the sensible thing to do." he doesn't sound happy about it, nor anxious. It is always the combination of the two when others talk about it. But not Murphy. She feels some sort of resignation has settled within him.

She wants to ask him about it but doesn't dare. "I know. It just sucks."

"I know."

Who would have thought she would find understanding with him. But then Wick calls for her and she reluctantly gets up. "I got to run. This was…" nice? Not horrible? Something.

"Swift as a shadow, short as any dream." he finishes.

She recognizes the words from some old book she never bothered to read carefully. Words were not her passion. And Murphy is amazingly good with them. How come he keeps surprising her in that sort of pleasant way? An inexplicable smile forms on her lips and she fights really hard to contain it as she slowly walks away.


	3. Chapter 3

**I wrote this couple of days ago but waited to see if it fits the show. I want to keep up with the actual storyline but it is hard considering they won't be having any scenes together :( Anyway, enjoy this one and let me know if it's worth continuing.  
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><p>It is finally over. This stage of the game, that is. The alliance was forged in blood; nothing else but a common enemy could have united them. They are one step closer. With Jasper's voice, their hope and willingness to fight returned. Even the Grounders now believe they have some chance at victory. She can see it in their eyes as they ride confidently beside her.<p>

At least they had the decency to let her sit on the cart since they tortured her for no reason. Slight perpetual rocking is making her sleepy. She just wants to close her eyes and fall into a state without thoughts. The jabbing pain in her arms and the burning skin suggest otherwise. The image of Murphy seeps into her mind again.

That pain she experienced just couple of hour ago was different from anything else. She was being tortured, being sliced up like a pig. The agony she had felt when Abby was pulling that bullet out of her spine might have been more intense, she couldn't tell. But she'd known that when that pain stopped she would live. What was happening back there felt worse. Once she realized nobody could help her, in some twisted way she was wishing it would not stop. If the pain stopped that would mean she was dead and gone. Once it stopped, once it was stopped she wanted to cry. Crying meant weakness and she refused to reveal it. The rope was cut and she fell limp to the ground. It was not from the pain as much as from relief.

Then while she was standing wobbly on her feat wrapped in the woolen blanket, watching the true culprit suffer, it was making her sick. It still is. That would have happen to Finn if Clarke didn't do what she did. That would have happened to Murphy if her plan succeeded. How the hell did he survive the torture in the first place? No wonder he was daring her to kill him that day. Nobody should go through that. Ever… God, this place is making them all monsters.

There is a sudden halt. She looks ahead and realizes they are at the camp gate. She slides carefully off the cart and puts on a brave face. Octavia is by her side, helping her hold herself up, doing it so subtly even Raven can hardly notice. People gather; there is chatter all over. In a minute or two, the entire camp will know what has happened. And add a juicy detail or two on their own.

As she walks into the camp she spots Murphy in the front. Not that she was looking specifically for him. Couple of more steps and she will walk right past him. He is looking over the whole group but then he lingers on her. She can feel his eyes roam over her body. Strangely, it makes her feel comforted. Before she can analyze his actions further, he turns and disappears into the crowd.

* * *

><p>When Murphy found out that the feast meant first dragging Finn's body to the village where the massacre took place, he went to Bellamy hoping to find out more. Apparently, it involved some sacred burial ritual where they burn the body of the murderer with his victims. Murphy sort of got the point of that. He didn't even think to offer to come. Not his kind of crowd. But once he found out Raven would accompany them, he insisted. He had an overwhelming feeling that something bad would happen. He didn't trust the Grounders and he didn't trust that with all the peacemakers around her, Raven would not go off. <em>It is a diplomatic mission.<em> Bellamy told him and that was the end of it. Murphy was a lot of things but a diplomat was not one of them. So he stalked off to his tent without another word.

That was yesterday. It's a new day now; the Sun will set in a couple of hours. They should have been back by now. He spent hours by the main gate, eyes glued on the horizon. And now he is stuck on guard duty at the furthest point from the entrance.

A breathless kid runs up to him and another guard, Grant. "They… they…."

Murphy grips his shoulders. "Relax. And breathe." he breathes in and out with the kid, nodding to create the sense of rhythm.

The kid points behind him. "They are back."

He looks over at Grant and they both start running towards the main gate.

As Murphy fights his way through the crowd, he hears all sorts of things- they are all alive but Bellamy and Lincoln didn't return. Clarke is who knows where with the Grounders. Somebody tried to poison the Grounder leader. They blamed Raven. He curses loudly. He knew something bad would happen. When he hears they hurt her before realizing she wasn't the one who attempted murder, he sees red. He pushes some people roughly out of the way. He has to see what they did to her.

Once he spots her, he can barely contain the urge to rush to her. There is only a guard and a couple of feet between them. He traces over every inch of her body as closely as he can from that distance. Walking- as usual, a bit heavier maybe. Hands – all the nails in place. Facial expression – proud, defiant, obviously a mask. But he can spot the hints of the bandages under the sleeves. Maybe there are more which he cannot see under the layers of clothes. But what about those scars that run deep? Those that nobody can see? Time heals all wounds goes the old saying. He is still waiting for his' to go away. Maybe scars like that remain permanently etched on the soul. There are times, occasionally, when he starts to believe they are fading. But then he wakes up in the middle of the night, covered in cold sweat yet his skin feels like it is burning. And all he wants to do is scream because he is so afraid and so angry. Instead he lies awake 'till morning, on alert for every sound because what if they come back for him. That is the only reason he almost enjoys the night patrols. By the end of them he is too exhausted to even stand, he can just fall into bed and have a dreamless sleep.

That is how she will feel. She might scream and cry, someone might hear her, might even care enough to try to console her. "Shit." he mutters under his breath once he realizes he finds comfort in the fact that somebody has the real idea of what he went through. The realization makes him feel like he is the worse person than he actually is.

He stomps off to his post. It doesn't take long before Grant finally returns to get him to some meeting.


	4. Chapter 4

**Not really happy with this chapter. But I'm not really happy with Murphy leaving with Jaha either so… I don't know. Thanks for the support.**

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><p>Somehow, he winds up stuck in a room small for such large group, with the bunch of Grounders. He leans further back in his corner, almost fully out of sight. The crowd sure does bring back memories. He looks around, noticing some familiar faces from when he was a prisoner. There are some people from the village, too. They also started making appearances in his nightmares. He wishes he could be anywhere else.<p>

His eyes travel to the pair of warriors. They recognize him. He pretends not to be fazed by it and looks down at his cup.

Kane finally begins. "I know we don't have a lot in common…"

Oh, the motivational speech begins. Does he really believe that the common enemy thing will work?

One of the Grounders makes his way to Murphy.

"Do you got a problem?" Murphy asks with a crooked smile.

The Grounder responds in his own language. The truth is, Murphy wouldn't have heard him even if he spoke English. The fear crept up to him, intensifying with every loud beat of his heart. "I'm sorry, man. I don't speak Grounder." he lifts his chin up then pushes him, the physical manifestation of his fear. If he wants a fight, Murphy is more than happy to oblige.

"Mr. Murphy." Kane warns and everything goes quiet, "Apologize to that man."

"For what?" he doesn't move his eyes off the Grounder, "He was the one who came at me."

"Two days' work detail."

It is only then that Murphy looks at Kane. Is he fucking serious?! How is this his fault too? "Work detail?! I just told you I didn't…"

"Care to make it three?" Kane cuts him off.

He shakes his head as he walks away. He can't win. He is dirt and always will be.

"You're gonna burn just like your friend."

And Murphy really would have walked away if not for that. That shit was at the village. He watched Finn burn, Raven being tortured... His fist collides with the jaw and it feels so good. There is not much time before they are separated so he hits as hard as he can as fast as he can. For himself, for Finn, for Raven…

When the Chancellor gives him an out from work detail, he accepts it, albeit reluctantly. But it's better than being caged in a smelly room, watching the Grounders all day. He drops the mop and heads out. "We leave in half hour."

"I am ready to leave now."

"I'm not. I have something to do first."

* * *

><p>Raven is resting in the chair. She has to monitor the radio and make sure it works without a hitch. That's easier said than done when all she can do is lay down. She can handle the pain in her arms, but the abdomen is another story. Whenever she would try to reach for something across the table, the cuts would start to burn making her wince back. They must have dipped that blade in something first because the cuts are not supposed to hurt like that. Abby cleaned her wounds and gave her some pills for the pain. Not much, they are low on meds and they sure are gonna need them soon. She feels incompetent. Again. But she will deal with it, she did once before. It would have been, if not easier, then certainly less hard if she weren't surrounded by Grounders. She can hear them everywhere, even when cooped up in her little workshop. It's distracting, she is constantly on edge and can't focus on the task at hand.<p>

She hears rustling, someone's approaching. She picks up the first thing she sees. A silhouette of a man appears behind the curtain. She holds her breath as he reveals himself.

"Hard at work, I see." he smirks.

"What do you want Murphy?" she snaps at him. He can't creep up like that and scare her out of her mind.

"First, you could put the screwdriver down."

Raven looks at the object in her hand still pointed at him and tosses it away before he can notice the slight shaking. If he even tries to mock her, she's gonna punch him in the face. She jumps up but stumbles backwards. She still hasn't recovered from the blood loss.

Murphy catches her. It is clear he can feel the bandages on her arm so he loosens his grip. His hand however remains lingering. "You ok?"

She nods. They are so close. Were his lips always that full… Oh, she needs Abby to check her head again.

"Here." he offers.

Only then does she notice he's holding flowers in his other hand. Three big flowers, blue petals with yellow edges. Her eyes go wide and she struggles to regain the power of speech. "Um… do they go with… with the explanation?" she's baffled, she never gets baffled. She takes the flowers and keeps her eyes on them.

"Yeah. You should make the tea and wash the wounds when it cools. It's soothing." he takes a step back and scratches his nose, "And it helps with healing."

"How do you know that?"

"If you don't believe…"

"I do." she really does but also wants to know.

He exhales. "The Grounders had just so much skin to peel. They needed me to heal faster."

She doesn't respond. She won't offer sympathy because she doesn't know how. She doubts he wants it, anyway. And they don't do that… not that they don't do anything else.

He points behind him. "I'll be off then."

"What happened to your face?" when the words leave her lips she realizes how awkward that sounds. She reaches for the bruise on his cheekbone but thinks better of it. No reason to make it more uncomfortable.

"Oh, it's nothing."

She heard what happened. The word reached her that Murphy started a fight with the Grounder. Even though Murphy is a bit impulsive, she had the feeling he wasn't unprovoked. "Just don't do anything stupid."

His demeanor changes in an instant. "Why don't you mind your own business, Raven?"

"Why don't you stop being a dick?" she bites back.

There is silence between them. The air gets ticker and no one is there to break the tension.

He is staring at her, jaw clenched. Then just shakes his head. "Next time think of a better insult. You're getting repetitive."

Unable to say anything back, Raven watches him leave. She didn't mean to react like that. She brushes the loose strand from her forehead and lets out a long breath which had to battle its way against the lump caught in the throat.

She sits back, placing the flowers on the pile of cold metal.

* * *

><p>Murphy is marching towards the dropship, trying to establish the distance between himself and the Chancellor. He is really chatty and Murphy is not in the mood to even pretend to listen.<p>

His mind is still at the camp. Why would he even talk to her? Let her deal with her own problems. She wouldn't have meddled in his life if he didn't approach her first. And then she lectures him._ Don't do anything stupid_. How stupid was it of her to go to that village? Did she consider that? She could have been killed. Maybe for once she could take her own advice.

"It's extraordinary, isn't it?"

"Oh, just give it a few days." it sure looked extraordinary to him once. Freedom, numerous possibilities. Their entire lives they were being told of Earth. How once they returned they would be all living like equals, nobody would starve, nobody would be punished for trying to save their own child…

The term son reaches his ears and irritation starts to bubble. "I'm nobody's son. You made sure of that."

Instead of dropping the subject, the Chancellor dares speak of his father. The fact that he remembers him does not make up for anything. It doesn't make up for the fact that Murphy can hardly remember his father's face. Anything else he can only imagine in his head, add to some almost perfect picture he's been creating for years. Every time he would find his mother raging at him for the lack of moonshine, he would run somewhere to hide and imagine what life could have been if Alex Murphy was alive.

"We're here. Home sweet home." he comments dryly, "Graveyard's this way."

He weeps at the grave of the son he dumped on Earth in the first place. It really irritates Murphy, that excessive expression of emotions. It seems almost fake. "You about done?" there is a thunder in the background, "We got to be heading back."

But of course he is not. He wants to talk about his son. Murphy tries not to laugh at the irony when he is asked about Wells' death. Who knows what Clarke told the man? Seemingly emotionlessly, he tells him the truth. Ugly, harsh truth. He should know how bloody his hands truly are.

But no! He starts babbling about some noble sacrifice instead.

Murphy shakes his head in disbelief.

"Good can come out of even the darkest acts, John."

Murphy remains silent. For a moment there he wants to believe those words. "Camp 'you' is that way."

"We'll rest at the drop ship for a while."

"Suit yourself."

He offers him food.

"No one gives anything without expecting something in return." he's learned that lesson the hard way. Like everything he did in life.

"It's a cynical way to go through life, John."

Murphy thinks he might be a bit cynical but he sure as hell was not a fool.

The Chancellor starts talking about acceptance and second chances… the act of sending the hundred to the ground.

But Murphy knows better. They were treated like lab rats. They still are. That's why nobody's eager to go against Mount Weather.

"I have to think of everyone. I know you don't want to hear this, but sometimes you have to sacrifice a few to save the many. Like I said good can come out of even the darkest acts." true politician. He really believes his words.

"Then you can take it from me" Murphy spits out, "that no good has come from any of this."

The Chancellor uses that to find a way to make a connection between the two of them, though. Murphy's got to hand it to him, that is not an easy task. Then he goes on and speaks about The City of Light. It all sounds like a load of crap, a tale for kids. But the man believes. Murphy smiles. There is no point in arguing on this one.

He gives him one last glance. It must be incredible to possess such amount of faith.

When he realizes that Chancellor's plan was to leave the camp all along, he can't believe it. A dozen of people willingly going into the unknown, no map, hardly any supplies. It's suicide.

"You want to stop being treated like a criminal then you have to stop thinking that that's all you are."

And maybe those are the words that make him rethink his current position. An offer of something more. A silent promise that he'll be treated better than the way he's been treated ever since he got to this damn place.

A boy rejected by all, even his own mother. A clean slate is what he needs. He looks back at the dropship. What is there to go back to? Bellamy is gone. The camp is filled with the Grounders. There's only one girl out there and she think he's a dick.


	5. Chapter 5

_What a dick._ Raven thinks, yet again, that evening as she picks one flower. For some reason, a small smile pulls at her lips when she looks at the sweet-scented flower. She remembers hearing somewhere that boys would give them to the girl they like or something like that. Ever since then, she wanted that to happen to her. Now she realizes, she should have been more specific. Plucking one petal at the time, she places them in the warm water. She presses her lips tightly while removing the bandages. She hates doing this. But since it is nothing complicated, she doesn't want to bother anyone with it. Who knows if this thing is going to help? But, as unbelievable as it sounds even to her, she trusts Murphy on this one. And if it doesn't work, then whatever, one more reason not to like him.

What is it about Murphy that gets her so riled up? Apart from the obvious. At first, he seemed like an open book, nothing special. Then again, she didn't pay much attention to him. Now, everything that's happening is making him the only person she feels she could talk to. Clarke is in some weird state, having too much on her hands to deal with marginal problems. Octavia is… she is probably on the way on becoming some Grounder warrior or whatever. Raven feels that he could understand. That is, If they could just pass that three sentences limit without one or both of them saying something stupid. She wants to tell him she is on edge all the time. Her shoulders feel heavy from all the tension and it takes forever to fall asleep.

She should have started with a thank you and go on from there. But no, she had to bite back. And she never wanted that. The truth is, at that particular moment, she just wanted to grab that stupid face of his and… no, she's not going to say it. She's not even going to think it.

Raven takes the cloth and dips it in the, now blue-ish, water. She presses the damp cloth on her wound. The almost immediate relief ensues.

Suddenly, Octavia bursts into her tent, making Raven jump up. Don't people announce their presence anymore?!

"That was one hell of a day." she says before looking over at Raven.

Raven hums and continues with her task.

"Let me." Octavia snatches the cloth from her, not taking no for an answer, "Oh, this thing is the best." she gestures to the flowery water, "It will help in no time. When I got stabbed in the leg, Lincoln…"

And there it was- the realization, the question.

"How did you know about these? I mean, I looked and couldn't find any in or near the camp."

"They were given to me." she said casually, hoping that Octavia will drop it.

"By?" she grins and leans forward, whispering. "Don't tell me it's one of the Grounders."

Raven just snorts,

"Is it that cute blonde guy I see around the workshop?"

"No." Raven pauses, "Are you here to help or gossip about boys? It's nothing, anyway."

"Fine." Octavia raises her hands in mock surrender, "But just so you know, among the tribes in this region, these are also the symbol of loyalty, understanding and… but it doesn't matter, right?"

Raven remains stubbornly silent after that and Octavia doesn't push it.

He doesn't know about the symbolism, does he? Why would he? She decides he doesn't. The last thought that crosses her mind that night is that tomorrow she will find Murphy and give that conversation thing another go.

* * *

><p>The morning Raven wakes up, she is still determined to talk to him. She doesn't know how she could possibly start the conversation but it will probably come to her in due time.<p>

When she doesn't see him at his usual solitary table during breakfast, she figures he must be at his post. She gobbles down her food and heads to the back of the camp. The nearer she gets to his post, the slower she walks. The knots are forming in her stomach and her brain doesn't work. It's ridiculous what's happening to her. Just as she is about to turn back, she spots two figures, but neither of them is Murphy. That comes as a relief, she was not ready. There is time, it's a long day. As she turns she sees commotion at the gate. Clarke is back. And something's happened. Something bad.

"Should I even ask?" Wick says when she, once again, reacts temperamentally to the smallest mistake.

"Clarke's getting bitchier by the minute."

"Ouch. I wouldn't want to be there when she finds out. But hey, maybe she'll be glad she has one less Chancellor on the back."

"What are you talking about?" she mumbles, too concentrated on the work.

"Jaha? He left with around dozen of folks."

"That's strange. Where would they even go?"

"Don't know. All I know is that couple of guards took off with him too, which means less guns for us."

She stops and turns fully to him. "What guards?"

"That one with weird hair, you know…" he gestures around his head, "Oh, and one of your guys."

She cocks her head in silent question.

"The one who picked a fight yesterday?"

"Murphy? He left?"

"That's what I heard."

She nods. "He left." she takes the hammer and starts banging against the metal until her entire arm begins to tingle. Then she adjusts couple of wires, turns some screws and pushes the button. The door closes, nearly crushing Wick's fingers in the process, "There. All done." she wipes the sweat from her forehead, "I'll be in the engineering room if anyone needs me."

She puts on her jacket and steps outside leaving Wick in shock.

The message from Jasper is going in circles for days; she can hardly register it anymore. He left. He took off without a word. _Next time think of a better insult._ Well, she has the time now and the inspiration. _Next time._ He probably thought he was being clever. He was not. She yanks one wire more forcefully and curses loudly. She has to start all over again. Building a generator from scraps is not a distraction enough.

"We're too late. They're already bleeding them. It's over." Clarke bursts in and there is such resignation in her voice that Raven has to fight hard not to lose already wavering patience. Clarke picked the wrong day for this talk.

"No. You don't get to give up, Clarke. You killed Finn, and I didn't give up." her voice is trembling, her whole body is. She is not a perpetual motion machine, she cannot work and work and continue to give everything without something, someone to keep her going. She is strong but even she has her limits, "I'm building a damn tone generator. You do your job."

"What is my job?!"

"I don't know, to come up with something." they all do what they do best. If Clarke wants to be the leader she's gonna have to step up to the plate. Raven will not let everything be for nothing.

"I have tried..."

Raven is ready to throw something, to wreak all her anger at her.

"Camp Jaha, this is Mount Weather." a voice comes from the radio and for a moment, neither of them is sure if it's real, "Can anyone read me?"

"Holy crap." Bellamy's back.

* * *

><p><strong>Let's say it's really interesting to write this pairing and not divert from the show much. I might just turn Murphy around and get him back to the camp :D Hope you still like the story.<strong>


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